I was originally going to post a response to one of the comments I received but after a few days of having fun with my wife and my friends I decided I'm just not in the mood to deal with the idiots that clog the pipes online. I leave tomorrow to go wait for my plane to depart sometime in the next week or so. I'm not going to see anyone I care about for the better part of a year and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit scared. I'll probably be fine but everyone my age has a feeling of immortality about them. Tragedies always happen to someone else.
But honestly, that's the last of my worries. The hardest part about doing this isn't my own mortality staring me in the face. If I was afraid of dying I would have taken the easy way out and claimed that I was suicidal or depressed or something less legit that would have gotten me disqualified. I know I wrote about wanting to get sent home when I first got to Camp Atterbury but I wasn't feeling well before I got on my medication and just wanted to be home where I could fix the problem and go on with my life. I still don't want to go over but I feel physically better and know that I can complete the mission without being a liability to anyone else.
The hardest part about doing this is leaving my wife behind, leaving my friends and family behind, and leaving unfinished all of the things that I want to accomplish with my life at the moment. It feels like writing a big paper for school, one that you feel adamant about and is very important for your grade, and then the power going out for the foreseeable future. Sure, you'll be able to get back to it as soon as the power comes back and your instructor will understand when you see him next but it doesn't make you feel any better about it at the same time. Now that I'm home I have a better picture of what I want to do but it has to wait. The interests of the United States are waiting on me to get over and do my mission.
However, if I took all of that out of the equation, I'm actually a little excited to get over there and do some good for whatever it's worth to the people of Afghanistan. I know there will be good times ahead and it won't be all doom and gloom. There's dangers ahead of me that most of you that read this won't ever see in your life but in the grand scheme of things many Americans face death on a day-to-day basis and don't even know it. How many times have you been driving down the freeway and merged into the other lane and not seen the car there, almost hitting it while doing 70 miles per hour? You don't think twice about getting in the car again after that, even though you just escaped almost certain death. It will be the same with me. People willingly put themselves in danger on a day to day basis without knowing it. I know I'm probably downplaying what I'll be facing but hey, it helps me sleep at night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is a chance that I might not come back from this but there's a chance that I might not come back from the grocery store too.
I'm not the most religious of people. If there is a god then I think he's probably sitting back and watching the show. How else could he let things like what's going on in the middle east and North Korea happen? Mankind will destroy itself and it's quite possible that it could happen in my lifetime. What god would create life and then give it the power to destroy itself? But if you are religious, which I respect, then pray for me. Pray for everyone that's going with me. The unit that we are relieving lost 2 people last year. 2 out of 80 is a small percentage but that is 50% of somebody's marriage and 25% of somebody's immediate family and those are way bigger numbers. I have a good team and I want every one of them to come back to their friends and families. So pray for them.
So if you will excuse me, I'm going to lay down with my wife and do my best to express how much I love her and how much I will miss her in the 9 months to come. I'm not the best at expressing my feelings, mainly because I'm a man and I wasn't gifted with a woman's ability to do so but I hope that she knows how much she means to me and that I will go through Hell and high water to come back and see her again.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Changes Come
All the names, call signs, and unit names are completely made-up to protect the individuals involved and maintain security of possibly sensitive military information.
-Thursday, June 11, 2009
And just when I thought it couldn’t get any dumber; that the level of retardation here at Camp Atterbury had reached its breaking point, 1st Army and the other groups here managed to stretch the barrier just a little bit further and claim a new, previously unchartered, realm of stupidity in the name of military training.
First off, I have to say that I’ve considered the Navy as a whole to be a pretty decent branch. Yeah, they’re all sea-faring raging homosexuals but they generally seem to be equipped with a few more chromosomes than the army. It’s not the case here. The Navy teams (there are two of them here) have single-handedly managed to jack-up almost every bit of training that we’ve done with them. It took them 7 hours to sight in their rifles when we first got here. They managed to break some of the training equipment we were supposed to use so we had to reschedule for another day. The icing on the cake happened two nights ago while I was on night shift:
“Lancer main, this is Navy1. Over”
“Go ahead Navy1.”
“Umm… yeah, we were calling to see if you were hot-micing, over” (Hot micing in the radio world means that someone has the push to talk button pressed down so nobody else can communicate over the net.)
“Say again, over?”
“yeah, we were calling to see if you were hot-micing, over.”
“Well, seeing as I’m talking to you right now I’m pretty sure there isn’t a hot mic. Over.”
“Ok, well we were having trouble getting a hold of anyone and we thought that maybe our antenna was causing a hot mic, over.”
-Now, I will tell you that there is no possible way an antenna could cause a hot mic at all. Even if you have ZERO radio or comm experience you know that there is no way an antenna, responsible for transmitting and receiving signal, can cause a jam over the entire frequency.
“Yeah, there is no hot mic. Lancer main out.”
Earlier this morning I was outside my command post smoking when a Navy female said “Did anything happen last night?” (I’m on night shifts for a while) “I didn’t hear anything after 10pm.”
Me: “Uh… yeah. A few things happened. Do you want me to take a look at your radio?” Come to find out she didn’t make the 10 o’clock radio freq change and it was a simple correction. After I corrected the problem she says to me “Maybe they shouldn’t have put a cook in here to manage the radios all by herself.” Umm yeah, just maybe.
Today we got word that we are supposed to man an entry control point (ECP). That would be cool but we also have two missions to do over the course of the day and only have 6 personnel left over. So we have to figure out how we’re going to cover a 4-man position for 24 hours with only 6 people.
I watched a guy, totally sober, take a piss in public on a military installation.
One of the teams decided to close up shop halfway through the night and just go home. It took Brigade 2.5 hours to figure out that they had just left. Well, actually it took the 2 hours to get off their collective asses and send a runner over to their trailer to figure out why they weren’t answering the radio.
Did you know:
In Navy dorms/command centers where there is an ECP, you have to salute the colors, salute the officer “on deck,” and ask for permission to “come aboard,” even if you are nowhere near a boat?
On army posts the reflective belt is worn as a sash and not as a belt?
You only need 3 hours of training prior to instructing a full team of soldiers and airman for a week on a military tracking system?
Update 12 June 2009:
So last night I was manning the radio and one of the groups out in the field called in to brigade to have an ambulance come pick up one of their soldiers because he was bitten by a spider and was having a reaction. I’ve spent quite some time trying to determine which surprises me more: the fact that it took brigade one and a half hours to react and get somebody out there (roughly 2 miles away from the main post) or the fact that the cavalry unit that was out there waited an hour and a half for them to come. They would have had 20 minutes before I said “screw it” and called a van or something from the barracks to come get him and take him to the hospital.
I’ve noticed that I’m starting to reach my breaking point already. I’m snapping at people I shouldn’t snap at. I’m getting upset over stupid things, and I’m smoking WAY more that I usually do. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep from having to work nights and people being loud during the day or if the constant barrage of idiocy has eroded down my composure. Either way, I’m afraid the wrong person is going to set me off and I’m going to react in a less than favorable way and get myself into trouble. It’s easy for someone to say “Dude, you just need to calm down and unwind” but there’s no time for that.
(*Just heard my commander say something that pretty much sums up this training: “It’s like watching old people die over there” in reference to the Brigade trying to conduct a training mission.)
I can already tell I’m not the same person I was when I left 3 months ago. I’m kind of afraid that I’m going to go back to my friends and family next week and they’re going to wonder who the hell I am. I guess that’s probably on everyone’s mind that leaves for an extended period of time but I never really thought it would happen to me. I’m not changed so drastically that I’m a completely new person but it’s a lot of small things. I have less tolerance for certain personality traits that I would otherwise ignore. My spectrum of emotions is Angry, Sad, Happy, or apathetic. I feel almost manic-depressive. When I find that I can muster up the energy to care about something it has to be at one extreme or another, else I tune it out.
There’s a lot of things I miss about not being here but it’s hard to define one I miss the most at any given moment. Sometimes I’ll be sitting outside and night and miss going on walks and discussing sports and movies and women with Andrew. Other times I just miss the freedom to go where I want when I want, even though most of the time when I was at home I just stayed at home as opposed to going out. I think I’ll be able to determine what thing I’ve missed the most one I go home on leave. On second thought, after typing that out, I just miss home.
-Thursday, June 11, 2009
And just when I thought it couldn’t get any dumber; that the level of retardation here at Camp Atterbury had reached its breaking point, 1st Army and the other groups here managed to stretch the barrier just a little bit further and claim a new, previously unchartered, realm of stupidity in the name of military training.
First off, I have to say that I’ve considered the Navy as a whole to be a pretty decent branch. Yeah, they’re all sea-faring raging homosexuals but they generally seem to be equipped with a few more chromosomes than the army. It’s not the case here. The Navy teams (there are two of them here) have single-handedly managed to jack-up almost every bit of training that we’ve done with them. It took them 7 hours to sight in their rifles when we first got here. They managed to break some of the training equipment we were supposed to use so we had to reschedule for another day. The icing on the cake happened two nights ago while I was on night shift:
“Lancer main, this is Navy1. Over”
“Go ahead Navy1.”
“Umm… yeah, we were calling to see if you were hot-micing, over” (Hot micing in the radio world means that someone has the push to talk button pressed down so nobody else can communicate over the net.)
“Say again, over?”
“yeah, we were calling to see if you were hot-micing, over.”
“Well, seeing as I’m talking to you right now I’m pretty sure there isn’t a hot mic. Over.”
“Ok, well we were having trouble getting a hold of anyone and we thought that maybe our antenna was causing a hot mic, over.”
-Now, I will tell you that there is no possible way an antenna could cause a hot mic at all. Even if you have ZERO radio or comm experience you know that there is no way an antenna, responsible for transmitting and receiving signal, can cause a jam over the entire frequency.
“Yeah, there is no hot mic. Lancer main out.”
Earlier this morning I was outside my command post smoking when a Navy female said “Did anything happen last night?” (I’m on night shifts for a while) “I didn’t hear anything after 10pm.”
Me: “Uh… yeah. A few things happened. Do you want me to take a look at your radio?” Come to find out she didn’t make the 10 o’clock radio freq change and it was a simple correction. After I corrected the problem she says to me “Maybe they shouldn’t have put a cook in here to manage the radios all by herself.” Umm yeah, just maybe.
Today we got word that we are supposed to man an entry control point (ECP). That would be cool but we also have two missions to do over the course of the day and only have 6 personnel left over. So we have to figure out how we’re going to cover a 4-man position for 24 hours with only 6 people.
I watched a guy, totally sober, take a piss in public on a military installation.
One of the teams decided to close up shop halfway through the night and just go home. It took Brigade 2.5 hours to figure out that they had just left. Well, actually it took the 2 hours to get off their collective asses and send a runner over to their trailer to figure out why they weren’t answering the radio.
Did you know:
In Navy dorms/command centers where there is an ECP, you have to salute the colors, salute the officer “on deck,” and ask for permission to “come aboard,” even if you are nowhere near a boat?
On army posts the reflective belt is worn as a sash and not as a belt?
You only need 3 hours of training prior to instructing a full team of soldiers and airman for a week on a military tracking system?
Update 12 June 2009:
So last night I was manning the radio and one of the groups out in the field called in to brigade to have an ambulance come pick up one of their soldiers because he was bitten by a spider and was having a reaction. I’ve spent quite some time trying to determine which surprises me more: the fact that it took brigade one and a half hours to react and get somebody out there (roughly 2 miles away from the main post) or the fact that the cavalry unit that was out there waited an hour and a half for them to come. They would have had 20 minutes before I said “screw it” and called a van or something from the barracks to come get him and take him to the hospital.
I’ve noticed that I’m starting to reach my breaking point already. I’m snapping at people I shouldn’t snap at. I’m getting upset over stupid things, and I’m smoking WAY more that I usually do. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep from having to work nights and people being loud during the day or if the constant barrage of idiocy has eroded down my composure. Either way, I’m afraid the wrong person is going to set me off and I’m going to react in a less than favorable way and get myself into trouble. It’s easy for someone to say “Dude, you just need to calm down and unwind” but there’s no time for that.
(*Just heard my commander say something that pretty much sums up this training: “It’s like watching old people die over there” in reference to the Brigade trying to conduct a training mission.)
I can already tell I’m not the same person I was when I left 3 months ago. I’m kind of afraid that I’m going to go back to my friends and family next week and they’re going to wonder who the hell I am. I guess that’s probably on everyone’s mind that leaves for an extended period of time but I never really thought it would happen to me. I’m not changed so drastically that I’m a completely new person but it’s a lot of small things. I have less tolerance for certain personality traits that I would otherwise ignore. My spectrum of emotions is Angry, Sad, Happy, or apathetic. I feel almost manic-depressive. When I find that I can muster up the energy to care about something it has to be at one extreme or another, else I tune it out.
There’s a lot of things I miss about not being here but it’s hard to define one I miss the most at any given moment. Sometimes I’ll be sitting outside and night and miss going on walks and discussing sports and movies and women with Andrew. Other times I just miss the freedom to go where I want when I want, even though most of the time when I was at home I just stayed at home as opposed to going out. I think I’ll be able to determine what thing I’ve missed the most one I go home on leave. On second thought, after typing that out, I just miss home.
Monday, June 8, 2009
News
So I think the Army's retardation is infesting the minds of the senior leadership within my little Air Force group here. I was told the other day that I'm no longer going to be doing my job overseas (which would have been Comm, for those who don't know). Instead, I'm going to be a Civil Engineer which, in the grand scheme of my mission, means that I'm going to be a building inspector. I'm going to be hiring Afghani contractors to build roads, clinics, schools, and general improvement projects and then inspecting them to make sure they're doing their job correctly.
But DJ, what do you know about construction? I'm glad you asked. Nothing whatsoever. I mean, I've worked with my grandpa a little bit when he was building houses but nothing terribly extravagant. (*side note: they're playing German metal here at the all ranks club on post. Very annoying*) So what it essentially boils down to is that the military is more concerned with having a body in a position than someone with actual knowledge in the job that they will be doing. I really feel sorry for whoever is going to have to utilize these buildings because they are going to be all sorts of jacked-up.
Other than that I have a grand total of 10 days left in this hell hole. It's going to be refreshing not being angrily woken up by my first sergeant every morning. It'll be nice to be able to drive somewhere, anywhere, whenever I want. A few of my buddies are coming down from Michigan and we're going to party like rock stars. I think Carrie and I are planning on staying at a casino one night and going to Six Flags for a day as well. I can't freaking wait.
But DJ, what do you know about construction? I'm glad you asked. Nothing whatsoever. I mean, I've worked with my grandpa a little bit when he was building houses but nothing terribly extravagant. (*side note: they're playing German metal here at the all ranks club on post. Very annoying*) So what it essentially boils down to is that the military is more concerned with having a body in a position than someone with actual knowledge in the job that they will be doing. I really feel sorry for whoever is going to have to utilize these buildings because they are going to be all sorts of jacked-up.
Other than that I have a grand total of 10 days left in this hell hole. It's going to be refreshing not being angrily woken up by my first sergeant every morning. It'll be nice to be able to drive somewhere, anywhere, whenever I want. A few of my buddies are coming down from Michigan and we're going to party like rock stars. I think Carrie and I are planning on staying at a casino one night and going to Six Flags for a day as well. I can't freaking wait.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Never go full retard...
It amazes me that they actually give people live ammunition after making them endure a month and a half of their training. I really wish I could break it down for you in greater detail but there is just so much to cover that I'm not entirely sure I could do it justice in the short amount of time that I have to write this today. I guess I'll just try to touch on the key points.
First and foremost I hate the fact that we literally spend the entire day sitting around and whatever training location we happen to be at for 20-30 minutes of training. The most prominent one that stands out in my mind was our Gunnery training. They had us convoy out into the middle of nowhere on base and stay in what appeared to be a refugee camp for 2 days to drive a course with our heavy weapons mounted for a grand total of 1.5 training hours. I really wish I was exaggerating here but I counted.
Secondly these "instructors" have really told us some StUpId things. Two days ago we were at a location on post and they were giving us a safety briefing. Part of the safety briefing consisted of what to do in case of a tornado. That's fair, let's see what they have to say. These morons actually pointed to a 4 foot steel cylinder set into the ground and told us to take cover in there if a tornado hits. Haha, right. You guys go into that vacuum wind tunnel and I'm going to go ahead and lay face down in that ditch over there and take my chances.
We've been scheduled classes that end at midnight one night and another class that starts at 4:30 the next morning. We've been double-booked for training. We've showed up for training and they didn't have the key to the building we were supposed to be in so we had to wait for an hour and a half before we could even get in. At one point we were banned from playing organized sports because people were getting hurt, yet they had no problem putting us in a Hum-V rollover sim and having that beat the hell out of us.
My favorite so far was when we got told the gunner has to get confirmation and permission to return fire from the truck commander (the person who sits shotgun in the hum-v, usually a senior NCO or officer), even if we are getting hit from the 6 o-clock and it is humanly impossible for the TC to see where we are taking fire from. Screw this training, if we are getting hit my gunner sure as hell better be sending lead down range. I know we're there to win hearts and minds but if we're being shot put two in the heart and one in the mind. End of story.
I really wish I could give you an up-side to the training that we're getting here but I'm getting a headache just trying to think of something positive. I get to go home on leave 3 weeks from today and thank God for it. This really isn't my usual bitching either. This has surpassed stupid and gone full-blown retard and you never go full retard.
First and foremost I hate the fact that we literally spend the entire day sitting around and whatever training location we happen to be at for 20-30 minutes of training. The most prominent one that stands out in my mind was our Gunnery training. They had us convoy out into the middle of nowhere on base and stay in what appeared to be a refugee camp for 2 days to drive a course with our heavy weapons mounted for a grand total of 1.5 training hours. I really wish I was exaggerating here but I counted.
Secondly these "instructors" have really told us some StUpId things. Two days ago we were at a location on post and they were giving us a safety briefing. Part of the safety briefing consisted of what to do in case of a tornado. That's fair, let's see what they have to say. These morons actually pointed to a 4 foot steel cylinder set into the ground and told us to take cover in there if a tornado hits. Haha, right. You guys go into that vacuum wind tunnel and I'm going to go ahead and lay face down in that ditch over there and take my chances.
We've been scheduled classes that end at midnight one night and another class that starts at 4:30 the next morning. We've been double-booked for training. We've showed up for training and they didn't have the key to the building we were supposed to be in so we had to wait for an hour and a half before we could even get in. At one point we were banned from playing organized sports because people were getting hurt, yet they had no problem putting us in a Hum-V rollover sim and having that beat the hell out of us.
My favorite so far was when we got told the gunner has to get confirmation and permission to return fire from the truck commander (the person who sits shotgun in the hum-v, usually a senior NCO or officer), even if we are getting hit from the 6 o-clock and it is humanly impossible for the TC to see where we are taking fire from. Screw this training, if we are getting hit my gunner sure as hell better be sending lead down range. I know we're there to win hearts and minds but if we're being shot put two in the heart and one in the mind. End of story.
I really wish I could give you an up-side to the training that we're getting here but I'm getting a headache just trying to think of something positive. I get to go home on leave 3 weeks from today and thank God for it. This really isn't my usual bitching either. This has surpassed stupid and gone full-blown retard and you never go full retard.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Oh Boy
Where to start?
I'm a week into Army PRT training and have been trying to survive that long without constant internet connection. Life is rough, let me tell you.
We wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning, sometimes we PT, sometimes we don't. Lately we've been in "hury up and wait" mode which essentially means we rush to be somewhere on time only to find out that there's 3 groups in front of us that we have to wait on. We literally spent 5 hours the other day sitting out in the sun doing nothing because they had garbage equipment that kept breaking for the group in front of us so we couldn't go.
I went to the hospital the other day.
I get bad migraine headaches; I've had them for as long as I can remember. It's just the way it's been. The other day (I can't remember which one exactly, they run together out here) I had the worst one of my life. I was shaking and hyperventilating because I was in so much pain so they called emergency and I got my first ambulance ride.
I saw an ER doctor and he recommended a medical evaluation board to determine my deployable status. Tomorrow I go see a neurologist and he may or may not start that process. Basically, I might be coming home.
Here's the thing: I don't want to leave my team hanging. I'm one of four comm. guys on this particular team. I've already started my training, I'm here, let's do it. I also don't want to have another episode like what I had in the middle of BFE Afghanistan where I'll be. But more importantly: DAMN I want to go home. I miss my wife, I miss my friends, I miss my dog, I miss the Thai restaurant down the road, and I miss not being here. I already have my hopes up and I'm going to try my best to get the doctor to send me home and the hell out of here. I don't care about the consequences, I don't care about anything else, I want to go home to my wife and my NORMAL job.
I don't know what I'll do if they tell me I can't go home.
I'm a week into Army PRT training and have been trying to survive that long without constant internet connection. Life is rough, let me tell you.
We wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning, sometimes we PT, sometimes we don't. Lately we've been in "hury up and wait" mode which essentially means we rush to be somewhere on time only to find out that there's 3 groups in front of us that we have to wait on. We literally spent 5 hours the other day sitting out in the sun doing nothing because they had garbage equipment that kept breaking for the group in front of us so we couldn't go.
I went to the hospital the other day.
I get bad migraine headaches; I've had them for as long as I can remember. It's just the way it's been. The other day (I can't remember which one exactly, they run together out here) I had the worst one of my life. I was shaking and hyperventilating because I was in so much pain so they called emergency and I got my first ambulance ride.
I saw an ER doctor and he recommended a medical evaluation board to determine my deployable status. Tomorrow I go see a neurologist and he may or may not start that process. Basically, I might be coming home.
Here's the thing: I don't want to leave my team hanging. I'm one of four comm. guys on this particular team. I've already started my training, I'm here, let's do it. I also don't want to have another episode like what I had in the middle of BFE Afghanistan where I'll be. But more importantly: DAMN I want to go home. I miss my wife, I miss my friends, I miss my dog, I miss the Thai restaurant down the road, and I miss not being here. I already have my hopes up and I'm going to try my best to get the doctor to send me home and the hell out of here. I don't care about the consequences, I don't care about anything else, I want to go home to my wife and my NORMAL job.
I don't know what I'll do if they tell me I can't go home.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The final countdown
A couple days left before the real fun begins. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest. A really big part of me wants to get out of here and do something real and tangible instead of sitting in a class room all day. Another part of me is apprehensive because I'll be stepping outside of my comfort zone to train hardcore for the next 2 months. I'm sure I can handle it but that doesn't mean I want to do it.
I have this big fear of the unknown. I can KNOW 100% that something is going to be fine, it's going to be ok, doable, whatever but nothing drives me crazier that not knowing exactly what is in front of me. It takes me a while to mentally prepare for things. I have to go through stages of acceptance before I can cope with something uncomfortable. To me, none of this is even happening yet. It probably won't be "real" until a couple months after I set boots in Afghanistan and by that time I'll have started convincing myself that home isn't real.
I've been browsing youtube.com looking for some footage of the next set of training I'm going to go through and then maybe some footage of the location I'm going to be at. I managed to find a couple of videos but they didn't come right out and scream THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING HERE! I don't know what I was expecting but I had hoped for more than a couple of slide shows with music in the background.
Sorry that this is such a small post; I've been kind-of sidetracked while writing this and can't really think of much else to say so I'll leave you with this:
I've never been a proponent of killing. I'm still not sure I could pull the trigger if/when I needed to. It's just part of who I am. I've definitely not been a supporter of the conflict(s) in the middle east. Outside of getting Osama Bin Laden I think that we should have stayed out and let God or Allah or whomever sort out the mess over there. That being said, I have to ask you one thing: Don't buy into the media coverage of everything that's going on over there. I've been reading comments of videos on Youtube where people have been saying "...[American Soldiers] celebrating by drinking the blood of Muslim women and children" and "The soldiers aren't even wanted over there. They don't do any good."
I can't speak from my personal experience but everyone I've talked to says that the majority of people over there are happy we are there. They didn't ask us to be there and we shouldn't have gone but now that we are over there we've given them something to hope for. In Iraq, since the Iraqi military has been trained, casualties have been reduced to 18% of what they were in 2003. I don't care who you are, less innocent people dying is a good thing. Yes, some soldiers have done wrong and screwed up and have been dealt with accordingly. But don't pin that on the whole military. If I had the choice I probably wouldn't go, and for selfish reasons, but since I don't have the choice I'm going to do the best that I can.
This may be the last post for quite a while but I'll try to get to it as much as I can. In the meantime I'll be shooting guns, kicking down doors, and rolling around in the mud; taking as many pictures of it all as I can.
I have this big fear of the unknown. I can KNOW 100% that something is going to be fine, it's going to be ok, doable, whatever but nothing drives me crazier that not knowing exactly what is in front of me. It takes me a while to mentally prepare for things. I have to go through stages of acceptance before I can cope with something uncomfortable. To me, none of this is even happening yet. It probably won't be "real" until a couple months after I set boots in Afghanistan and by that time I'll have started convincing myself that home isn't real.
I've been browsing youtube.com looking for some footage of the next set of training I'm going to go through and then maybe some footage of the location I'm going to be at. I managed to find a couple of videos but they didn't come right out and scream THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING HERE! I don't know what I was expecting but I had hoped for more than a couple of slide shows with music in the background.
Sorry that this is such a small post; I've been kind-of sidetracked while writing this and can't really think of much else to say so I'll leave you with this:
I've never been a proponent of killing. I'm still not sure I could pull the trigger if/when I needed to. It's just part of who I am. I've definitely not been a supporter of the conflict(s) in the middle east. Outside of getting Osama Bin Laden I think that we should have stayed out and let God or Allah or whomever sort out the mess over there. That being said, I have to ask you one thing: Don't buy into the media coverage of everything that's going on over there. I've been reading comments of videos on Youtube where people have been saying "...[American Soldiers] celebrating by drinking the blood of Muslim women and children" and "The soldiers aren't even wanted over there. They don't do any good."
I can't speak from my personal experience but everyone I've talked to says that the majority of people over there are happy we are there. They didn't ask us to be there and we shouldn't have gone but now that we are over there we've given them something to hope for. In Iraq, since the Iraqi military has been trained, casualties have been reduced to 18% of what they were in 2003. I don't care who you are, less innocent people dying is a good thing. Yes, some soldiers have done wrong and screwed up and have been dealt with accordingly. But don't pin that on the whole military. If I had the choice I probably wouldn't go, and for selfish reasons, but since I don't have the choice I'm going to do the best that I can.
This may be the last post for quite a while but I'll try to get to it as much as I can. In the meantime I'll be shooting guns, kicking down doors, and rolling around in the mud; taking as many pictures of it all as I can.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
What would you do?
Ok, so this is a follow-up to my last post which, if you haven't read, you should 'cause you will be totally lost otherwise.
Friday morning we had to get up for an familiarization course in ground radio, which would have been okay except we were really hungover. I guess I was the best out of the three of us because Shitty was throwing up outside before our morning brief and Rattatat had to get called 10 minutes before we had to leave; he was still sleeping. We all packed up, headed to class, and had a few minutes before it started so we (the Air force group and the Navy group) were all outside BS-ing. Shitty comes up to me and says "Hey, I don't want everyone to know about last night, let's just keep it to ourselves." Cool by me, I don't want any more drama than I need.
We get through class alright and then go back to the hotel to sleep. 3 AF guys (Fag Sauce, Brit, and Anti-poon) decide they want to go to the German restaurant. They get there and mention to Cute waitress that they were Air Force. She asks if they knew us. They said they were here with us. She tells them about the last night. (I know some of you can see where this is going but try not to jump ahead.)
Now, somewhere between Friday night and Monday morning the Master Sergeant in charge (Copper top) found out about what happened with me, Shitty, and Rattatat on Thursday night. He tells Shitty and Rattatat that he wants to see them at the end of the day and then, as part of his morning briefing, tells everyone that if something happens to us while we're out he needs to know about it, or something like that.
Long story short: Shitty and Rattatat get chewed but nothing big comes of it.
I don't know why I am the way I am but after hearing that Copper Top found out about it I wanted to know who told him, but not for the reason you're thinking. You see, in retrospect we probably should have said something to him instead of, we thought, keeping it to ourselves. I concede that. I wanted to know why the person who told him didn't say something to one of us first, you know, something to the effect of "Hey, heard you guys had a messed-up night. You should probably say something to Copper top," as opposed to going behind our back and straight to the boss.
So I did some digging and heard that those three guys had been to the German place Friday night. So I called Brit: "Hey man, I heard you were at the German place Friday night and heard our story. Do you know who said something to Copper top," and proceeded to explain my reasoning for wanting to know. He said that he talked to Copper top but by that point he had already heard the story from someone else. Since Brit and Anti-poon are tied to the hip, that only left one more person. So I asked Fag Sauce and this is what he told me:
"I didn't say anything to him. I found out about it Friday morning when you all were running your mouths about it outside. Copper top was next to me so I assumed he heard and didn't care and I left it at that."
A couple of things bother me about that story. The first thing is that he said Copper top was next to him when we were running our mouths. Copper top went inside after only being out there a short minute to find out where a couple of people were. Secondly, he said we were running our mouths about it. Shitty was puking over in the bushes, Rattatat was up in his room passed-out, and I was dividing my attention between watching Shitty hurl and getting pissed off that Fag Sauce was calling out Shitty in front of the whole group. My buddy, Hopeless, was right there with me and talking to me and said I never mentioned it. In fact, the only person that I would have told is Hopeless and I wasn't even going to say anything to him until after the situation had blown over.
So now I have this situation where I know somebody lied to my face. He looked me in the eye and said "I did not say anything to him" and tried to pull one over on me by making stuff up. I would, well I don't want to say I'd be okay with it but I guess I would just let it ride, but Fag Sauce is going to be on my team and possibly my boss when we get over there. I really didn't care for him in the first place but I tolerated him 'cause I thought he was a genuinely good guy who was a little on the annoying side. Now I'm stuck.
I brought it up to the NCO on my team and told him exactly what I just wrote down. Today, he said he was going to Copper top with my concern. I guess he thought it was a big enough deal that I can't trust him. The thing is, I really don't want to make it worse for Shitty who is already taking a lot of heat for this. It is plain and clear that my issue is not with that night or even that Fag Sauce reported that night, which I'm 98% certain now it was him. My issue is just that; I am 98% certain that he lied to my face and I can't have that kind of disrespect and untrustworthiness (yeah, I made up a word for it) from a guys who is supposed to be watching my back.
So what would you do? Would you pursue it farther and try to get your issue with Fag sauce resolved or would you just forget about it because you can't prove that Fag sauce is lying without Copper top telling you so? If you're reading this please either comment on here or hit me up on myspace (myspace.com/thepftbdrummer) or facebook. Thanks for reading.
Friday morning we had to get up for an familiarization course in ground radio, which would have been okay except we were really hungover. I guess I was the best out of the three of us because Shitty was throwing up outside before our morning brief and Rattatat had to get called 10 minutes before we had to leave; he was still sleeping. We all packed up, headed to class, and had a few minutes before it started so we (the Air force group and the Navy group) were all outside BS-ing. Shitty comes up to me and says "Hey, I don't want everyone to know about last night, let's just keep it to ourselves." Cool by me, I don't want any more drama than I need.
We get through class alright and then go back to the hotel to sleep. 3 AF guys (Fag Sauce, Brit, and Anti-poon) decide they want to go to the German restaurant. They get there and mention to Cute waitress that they were Air Force. She asks if they knew us. They said they were here with us. She tells them about the last night. (I know some of you can see where this is going but try not to jump ahead.)
Now, somewhere between Friday night and Monday morning the Master Sergeant in charge (Copper top) found out about what happened with me, Shitty, and Rattatat on Thursday night. He tells Shitty and Rattatat that he wants to see them at the end of the day and then, as part of his morning briefing, tells everyone that if something happens to us while we're out he needs to know about it, or something like that.
Long story short: Shitty and Rattatat get chewed but nothing big comes of it.
I don't know why I am the way I am but after hearing that Copper Top found out about it I wanted to know who told him, but not for the reason you're thinking. You see, in retrospect we probably should have said something to him instead of, we thought, keeping it to ourselves. I concede that. I wanted to know why the person who told him didn't say something to one of us first, you know, something to the effect of "Hey, heard you guys had a messed-up night. You should probably say something to Copper top," as opposed to going behind our back and straight to the boss.
So I did some digging and heard that those three guys had been to the German place Friday night. So I called Brit: "Hey man, I heard you were at the German place Friday night and heard our story. Do you know who said something to Copper top," and proceeded to explain my reasoning for wanting to know. He said that he talked to Copper top but by that point he had already heard the story from someone else. Since Brit and Anti-poon are tied to the hip, that only left one more person. So I asked Fag Sauce and this is what he told me:
"I didn't say anything to him. I found out about it Friday morning when you all were running your mouths about it outside. Copper top was next to me so I assumed he heard and didn't care and I left it at that."
A couple of things bother me about that story. The first thing is that he said Copper top was next to him when we were running our mouths. Copper top went inside after only being out there a short minute to find out where a couple of people were. Secondly, he said we were running our mouths about it. Shitty was puking over in the bushes, Rattatat was up in his room passed-out, and I was dividing my attention between watching Shitty hurl and getting pissed off that Fag Sauce was calling out Shitty in front of the whole group. My buddy, Hopeless, was right there with me and talking to me and said I never mentioned it. In fact, the only person that I would have told is Hopeless and I wasn't even going to say anything to him until after the situation had blown over.
So now I have this situation where I know somebody lied to my face. He looked me in the eye and said "I did not say anything to him" and tried to pull one over on me by making stuff up. I would, well I don't want to say I'd be okay with it but I guess I would just let it ride, but Fag Sauce is going to be on my team and possibly my boss when we get over there. I really didn't care for him in the first place but I tolerated him 'cause I thought he was a genuinely good guy who was a little on the annoying side. Now I'm stuck.
I brought it up to the NCO on my team and told him exactly what I just wrote down. Today, he said he was going to Copper top with my concern. I guess he thought it was a big enough deal that I can't trust him. The thing is, I really don't want to make it worse for Shitty who is already taking a lot of heat for this. It is plain and clear that my issue is not with that night or even that Fag Sauce reported that night, which I'm 98% certain now it was him. My issue is just that; I am 98% certain that he lied to my face and I can't have that kind of disrespect and untrustworthiness (yeah, I made up a word for it) from a guys who is supposed to be watching my back.
So what would you do? Would you pursue it farther and try to get your issue with Fag sauce resolved or would you just forget about it because you can't prove that Fag sauce is lying without Copper top telling you so? If you're reading this please either comment on here or hit me up on myspace (myspace.com/thepftbdrummer) or facebook. Thanks for reading.
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