It amazes me that they actually give people live ammunition after making them endure a month and a half of their training. I really wish I could break it down for you in greater detail but there is just so much to cover that I'm not entirely sure I could do it justice in the short amount of time that I have to write this today. I guess I'll just try to touch on the key points.
First and foremost I hate the fact that we literally spend the entire day sitting around and whatever training location we happen to be at for 20-30 minutes of training. The most prominent one that stands out in my mind was our Gunnery training. They had us convoy out into the middle of nowhere on base and stay in what appeared to be a refugee camp for 2 days to drive a course with our heavy weapons mounted for a grand total of 1.5 training hours. I really wish I was exaggerating here but I counted.
Secondly these "instructors" have really told us some StUpId things. Two days ago we were at a location on post and they were giving us a safety briefing. Part of the safety briefing consisted of what to do in case of a tornado. That's fair, let's see what they have to say. These morons actually pointed to a 4 foot steel cylinder set into the ground and told us to take cover in there if a tornado hits. Haha, right. You guys go into that vacuum wind tunnel and I'm going to go ahead and lay face down in that ditch over there and take my chances.
We've been scheduled classes that end at midnight one night and another class that starts at 4:30 the next morning. We've been double-booked for training. We've showed up for training and they didn't have the key to the building we were supposed to be in so we had to wait for an hour and a half before we could even get in. At one point we were banned from playing organized sports because people were getting hurt, yet they had no problem putting us in a Hum-V rollover sim and having that beat the hell out of us.
My favorite so far was when we got told the gunner has to get confirmation and permission to return fire from the truck commander (the person who sits shotgun in the hum-v, usually a senior NCO or officer), even if we are getting hit from the 6 o-clock and it is humanly impossible for the TC to see where we are taking fire from. Screw this training, if we are getting hit my gunner sure as hell better be sending lead down range. I know we're there to win hearts and minds but if we're being shot put two in the heart and one in the mind. End of story.
I really wish I could give you an up-side to the training that we're getting here but I'm getting a headache just trying to think of something positive. I get to go home on leave 3 weeks from today and thank God for it. This really isn't my usual bitching either. This has surpassed stupid and gone full-blown retard and you never go full retard.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Oh Boy
Where to start?
I'm a week into Army PRT training and have been trying to survive that long without constant internet connection. Life is rough, let me tell you.
We wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning, sometimes we PT, sometimes we don't. Lately we've been in "hury up and wait" mode which essentially means we rush to be somewhere on time only to find out that there's 3 groups in front of us that we have to wait on. We literally spent 5 hours the other day sitting out in the sun doing nothing because they had garbage equipment that kept breaking for the group in front of us so we couldn't go.
I went to the hospital the other day.
I get bad migraine headaches; I've had them for as long as I can remember. It's just the way it's been. The other day (I can't remember which one exactly, they run together out here) I had the worst one of my life. I was shaking and hyperventilating because I was in so much pain so they called emergency and I got my first ambulance ride.
I saw an ER doctor and he recommended a medical evaluation board to determine my deployable status. Tomorrow I go see a neurologist and he may or may not start that process. Basically, I might be coming home.
Here's the thing: I don't want to leave my team hanging. I'm one of four comm. guys on this particular team. I've already started my training, I'm here, let's do it. I also don't want to have another episode like what I had in the middle of BFE Afghanistan where I'll be. But more importantly: DAMN I want to go home. I miss my wife, I miss my friends, I miss my dog, I miss the Thai restaurant down the road, and I miss not being here. I already have my hopes up and I'm going to try my best to get the doctor to send me home and the hell out of here. I don't care about the consequences, I don't care about anything else, I want to go home to my wife and my NORMAL job.
I don't know what I'll do if they tell me I can't go home.
I'm a week into Army PRT training and have been trying to survive that long without constant internet connection. Life is rough, let me tell you.
We wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning, sometimes we PT, sometimes we don't. Lately we've been in "hury up and wait" mode which essentially means we rush to be somewhere on time only to find out that there's 3 groups in front of us that we have to wait on. We literally spent 5 hours the other day sitting out in the sun doing nothing because they had garbage equipment that kept breaking for the group in front of us so we couldn't go.
I went to the hospital the other day.
I get bad migraine headaches; I've had them for as long as I can remember. It's just the way it's been. The other day (I can't remember which one exactly, they run together out here) I had the worst one of my life. I was shaking and hyperventilating because I was in so much pain so they called emergency and I got my first ambulance ride.
I saw an ER doctor and he recommended a medical evaluation board to determine my deployable status. Tomorrow I go see a neurologist and he may or may not start that process. Basically, I might be coming home.
Here's the thing: I don't want to leave my team hanging. I'm one of four comm. guys on this particular team. I've already started my training, I'm here, let's do it. I also don't want to have another episode like what I had in the middle of BFE Afghanistan where I'll be. But more importantly: DAMN I want to go home. I miss my wife, I miss my friends, I miss my dog, I miss the Thai restaurant down the road, and I miss not being here. I already have my hopes up and I'm going to try my best to get the doctor to send me home and the hell out of here. I don't care about the consequences, I don't care about anything else, I want to go home to my wife and my NORMAL job.
I don't know what I'll do if they tell me I can't go home.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The final countdown
A couple days left before the real fun begins. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest. A really big part of me wants to get out of here and do something real and tangible instead of sitting in a class room all day. Another part of me is apprehensive because I'll be stepping outside of my comfort zone to train hardcore for the next 2 months. I'm sure I can handle it but that doesn't mean I want to do it.
I have this big fear of the unknown. I can KNOW 100% that something is going to be fine, it's going to be ok, doable, whatever but nothing drives me crazier that not knowing exactly what is in front of me. It takes me a while to mentally prepare for things. I have to go through stages of acceptance before I can cope with something uncomfortable. To me, none of this is even happening yet. It probably won't be "real" until a couple months after I set boots in Afghanistan and by that time I'll have started convincing myself that home isn't real.
I've been browsing youtube.com looking for some footage of the next set of training I'm going to go through and then maybe some footage of the location I'm going to be at. I managed to find a couple of videos but they didn't come right out and scream THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING HERE! I don't know what I was expecting but I had hoped for more than a couple of slide shows with music in the background.
Sorry that this is such a small post; I've been kind-of sidetracked while writing this and can't really think of much else to say so I'll leave you with this:
I've never been a proponent of killing. I'm still not sure I could pull the trigger if/when I needed to. It's just part of who I am. I've definitely not been a supporter of the conflict(s) in the middle east. Outside of getting Osama Bin Laden I think that we should have stayed out and let God or Allah or whomever sort out the mess over there. That being said, I have to ask you one thing: Don't buy into the media coverage of everything that's going on over there. I've been reading comments of videos on Youtube where people have been saying "...[American Soldiers] celebrating by drinking the blood of Muslim women and children" and "The soldiers aren't even wanted over there. They don't do any good."
I can't speak from my personal experience but everyone I've talked to says that the majority of people over there are happy we are there. They didn't ask us to be there and we shouldn't have gone but now that we are over there we've given them something to hope for. In Iraq, since the Iraqi military has been trained, casualties have been reduced to 18% of what they were in 2003. I don't care who you are, less innocent people dying is a good thing. Yes, some soldiers have done wrong and screwed up and have been dealt with accordingly. But don't pin that on the whole military. If I had the choice I probably wouldn't go, and for selfish reasons, but since I don't have the choice I'm going to do the best that I can.
This may be the last post for quite a while but I'll try to get to it as much as I can. In the meantime I'll be shooting guns, kicking down doors, and rolling around in the mud; taking as many pictures of it all as I can.
I have this big fear of the unknown. I can KNOW 100% that something is going to be fine, it's going to be ok, doable, whatever but nothing drives me crazier that not knowing exactly what is in front of me. It takes me a while to mentally prepare for things. I have to go through stages of acceptance before I can cope with something uncomfortable. To me, none of this is even happening yet. It probably won't be "real" until a couple months after I set boots in Afghanistan and by that time I'll have started convincing myself that home isn't real.
I've been browsing youtube.com looking for some footage of the next set of training I'm going to go through and then maybe some footage of the location I'm going to be at. I managed to find a couple of videos but they didn't come right out and scream THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING HERE! I don't know what I was expecting but I had hoped for more than a couple of slide shows with music in the background.
Sorry that this is such a small post; I've been kind-of sidetracked while writing this and can't really think of much else to say so I'll leave you with this:
I've never been a proponent of killing. I'm still not sure I could pull the trigger if/when I needed to. It's just part of who I am. I've definitely not been a supporter of the conflict(s) in the middle east. Outside of getting Osama Bin Laden I think that we should have stayed out and let God or Allah or whomever sort out the mess over there. That being said, I have to ask you one thing: Don't buy into the media coverage of everything that's going on over there. I've been reading comments of videos on Youtube where people have been saying "...[American Soldiers] celebrating by drinking the blood of Muslim women and children" and "The soldiers aren't even wanted over there. They don't do any good."
I can't speak from my personal experience but everyone I've talked to says that the majority of people over there are happy we are there. They didn't ask us to be there and we shouldn't have gone but now that we are over there we've given them something to hope for. In Iraq, since the Iraqi military has been trained, casualties have been reduced to 18% of what they were in 2003. I don't care who you are, less innocent people dying is a good thing. Yes, some soldiers have done wrong and screwed up and have been dealt with accordingly. But don't pin that on the whole military. If I had the choice I probably wouldn't go, and for selfish reasons, but since I don't have the choice I'm going to do the best that I can.
This may be the last post for quite a while but I'll try to get to it as much as I can. In the meantime I'll be shooting guns, kicking down doors, and rolling around in the mud; taking as many pictures of it all as I can.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
What would you do?
Ok, so this is a follow-up to my last post which, if you haven't read, you should 'cause you will be totally lost otherwise.
Friday morning we had to get up for an familiarization course in ground radio, which would have been okay except we were really hungover. I guess I was the best out of the three of us because Shitty was throwing up outside before our morning brief and Rattatat had to get called 10 minutes before we had to leave; he was still sleeping. We all packed up, headed to class, and had a few minutes before it started so we (the Air force group and the Navy group) were all outside BS-ing. Shitty comes up to me and says "Hey, I don't want everyone to know about last night, let's just keep it to ourselves." Cool by me, I don't want any more drama than I need.
We get through class alright and then go back to the hotel to sleep. 3 AF guys (Fag Sauce, Brit, and Anti-poon) decide they want to go to the German restaurant. They get there and mention to Cute waitress that they were Air Force. She asks if they knew us. They said they were here with us. She tells them about the last night. (I know some of you can see where this is going but try not to jump ahead.)
Now, somewhere between Friday night and Monday morning the Master Sergeant in charge (Copper top) found out about what happened with me, Shitty, and Rattatat on Thursday night. He tells Shitty and Rattatat that he wants to see them at the end of the day and then, as part of his morning briefing, tells everyone that if something happens to us while we're out he needs to know about it, or something like that.
Long story short: Shitty and Rattatat get chewed but nothing big comes of it.
I don't know why I am the way I am but after hearing that Copper Top found out about it I wanted to know who told him, but not for the reason you're thinking. You see, in retrospect we probably should have said something to him instead of, we thought, keeping it to ourselves. I concede that. I wanted to know why the person who told him didn't say something to one of us first, you know, something to the effect of "Hey, heard you guys had a messed-up night. You should probably say something to Copper top," as opposed to going behind our back and straight to the boss.
So I did some digging and heard that those three guys had been to the German place Friday night. So I called Brit: "Hey man, I heard you were at the German place Friday night and heard our story. Do you know who said something to Copper top," and proceeded to explain my reasoning for wanting to know. He said that he talked to Copper top but by that point he had already heard the story from someone else. Since Brit and Anti-poon are tied to the hip, that only left one more person. So I asked Fag Sauce and this is what he told me:
"I didn't say anything to him. I found out about it Friday morning when you all were running your mouths about it outside. Copper top was next to me so I assumed he heard and didn't care and I left it at that."
A couple of things bother me about that story. The first thing is that he said Copper top was next to him when we were running our mouths. Copper top went inside after only being out there a short minute to find out where a couple of people were. Secondly, he said we were running our mouths about it. Shitty was puking over in the bushes, Rattatat was up in his room passed-out, and I was dividing my attention between watching Shitty hurl and getting pissed off that Fag Sauce was calling out Shitty in front of the whole group. My buddy, Hopeless, was right there with me and talking to me and said I never mentioned it. In fact, the only person that I would have told is Hopeless and I wasn't even going to say anything to him until after the situation had blown over.
So now I have this situation where I know somebody lied to my face. He looked me in the eye and said "I did not say anything to him" and tried to pull one over on me by making stuff up. I would, well I don't want to say I'd be okay with it but I guess I would just let it ride, but Fag Sauce is going to be on my team and possibly my boss when we get over there. I really didn't care for him in the first place but I tolerated him 'cause I thought he was a genuinely good guy who was a little on the annoying side. Now I'm stuck.
I brought it up to the NCO on my team and told him exactly what I just wrote down. Today, he said he was going to Copper top with my concern. I guess he thought it was a big enough deal that I can't trust him. The thing is, I really don't want to make it worse for Shitty who is already taking a lot of heat for this. It is plain and clear that my issue is not with that night or even that Fag Sauce reported that night, which I'm 98% certain now it was him. My issue is just that; I am 98% certain that he lied to my face and I can't have that kind of disrespect and untrustworthiness (yeah, I made up a word for it) from a guys who is supposed to be watching my back.
So what would you do? Would you pursue it farther and try to get your issue with Fag sauce resolved or would you just forget about it because you can't prove that Fag sauce is lying without Copper top telling you so? If you're reading this please either comment on here or hit me up on myspace (myspace.com/thepftbdrummer) or facebook. Thanks for reading.
Friday morning we had to get up for an familiarization course in ground radio, which would have been okay except we were really hungover. I guess I was the best out of the three of us because Shitty was throwing up outside before our morning brief and Rattatat had to get called 10 minutes before we had to leave; he was still sleeping. We all packed up, headed to class, and had a few minutes before it started so we (the Air force group and the Navy group) were all outside BS-ing. Shitty comes up to me and says "Hey, I don't want everyone to know about last night, let's just keep it to ourselves." Cool by me, I don't want any more drama than I need.
We get through class alright and then go back to the hotel to sleep. 3 AF guys (Fag Sauce, Brit, and Anti-poon) decide they want to go to the German restaurant. They get there and mention to Cute waitress that they were Air Force. She asks if they knew us. They said they were here with us. She tells them about the last night. (I know some of you can see where this is going but try not to jump ahead.)
Now, somewhere between Friday night and Monday morning the Master Sergeant in charge (Copper top) found out about what happened with me, Shitty, and Rattatat on Thursday night. He tells Shitty and Rattatat that he wants to see them at the end of the day and then, as part of his morning briefing, tells everyone that if something happens to us while we're out he needs to know about it, or something like that.
Long story short: Shitty and Rattatat get chewed but nothing big comes of it.
I don't know why I am the way I am but after hearing that Copper Top found out about it I wanted to know who told him, but not for the reason you're thinking. You see, in retrospect we probably should have said something to him instead of, we thought, keeping it to ourselves. I concede that. I wanted to know why the person who told him didn't say something to one of us first, you know, something to the effect of "Hey, heard you guys had a messed-up night. You should probably say something to Copper top," as opposed to going behind our back and straight to the boss.
So I did some digging and heard that those three guys had been to the German place Friday night. So I called Brit: "Hey man, I heard you were at the German place Friday night and heard our story. Do you know who said something to Copper top," and proceeded to explain my reasoning for wanting to know. He said that he talked to Copper top but by that point he had already heard the story from someone else. Since Brit and Anti-poon are tied to the hip, that only left one more person. So I asked Fag Sauce and this is what he told me:
"I didn't say anything to him. I found out about it Friday morning when you all were running your mouths about it outside. Copper top was next to me so I assumed he heard and didn't care and I left it at that."
A couple of things bother me about that story. The first thing is that he said Copper top was next to him when we were running our mouths. Copper top went inside after only being out there a short minute to find out where a couple of people were. Secondly, he said we were running our mouths about it. Shitty was puking over in the bushes, Rattatat was up in his room passed-out, and I was dividing my attention between watching Shitty hurl and getting pissed off that Fag Sauce was calling out Shitty in front of the whole group. My buddy, Hopeless, was right there with me and talking to me and said I never mentioned it. In fact, the only person that I would have told is Hopeless and I wasn't even going to say anything to him until after the situation had blown over.
So now I have this situation where I know somebody lied to my face. He looked me in the eye and said "I did not say anything to him" and tried to pull one over on me by making stuff up. I would, well I don't want to say I'd be okay with it but I guess I would just let it ride, but Fag Sauce is going to be on my team and possibly my boss when we get over there. I really didn't care for him in the first place but I tolerated him 'cause I thought he was a genuinely good guy who was a little on the annoying side. Now I'm stuck.
I brought it up to the NCO on my team and told him exactly what I just wrote down. Today, he said he was going to Copper top with my concern. I guess he thought it was a big enough deal that I can't trust him. The thing is, I really don't want to make it worse for Shitty who is already taking a lot of heat for this. It is plain and clear that my issue is not with that night or even that Fag Sauce reported that night, which I'm 98% certain now it was him. My issue is just that; I am 98% certain that he lied to my face and I can't have that kind of disrespect and untrustworthiness (yeah, I made up a word for it) from a guys who is supposed to be watching my back.
So what would you do? Would you pursue it farther and try to get your issue with Fag sauce resolved or would you just forget about it because you can't prove that Fag sauce is lying without Copper top telling you so? If you're reading this please either comment on here or hit me up on myspace (myspace.com/thepftbdrummer) or facebook. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Raining Cats and Dogs
It's been pouring non-stop since I woke up this afternoon and since I don't have a car down here, I get to walk everywhere which means when it's raining, I get to sit in my hotel room. I've literally exhausted everything I can think to do, and you really don't want to know what that list includes.
One of the things I have been doing is checking the "personal ads" on craigslist for the area I'm in, just for shits and grins. Here's some of what I've come up with so far:
re: ASSHOLE AT FT. *******
Oh I have notice that he email me as well replying to my ad. Thanks you so much ladies that i don't have to waste my time on a low life jerk like this
Yeah, well apparently you didn't waste too much time in English class, did you sweetheart?
Any men with class?
Are there any UNMARRIED men with an education and class in *********?
No
I have not come across one. Either I hear vulgar language or much anger. I am not responsible for your life or your lack of class. Does any man have any manners?
Sometimes but only when we want to get down your pants. You must be either ugly or a bitch or both.
Well, if there is one out there that knows how to behave around a woman, i.e. do NOT bring up former women, complain about your job, complain about your children, complain how everyone is out to get you, then I'd like to hear from you.
Jesus, and find me one woman that doesn't complain constantly. In fact, you were just complaining about how men don't have manners.
I am over age 40 and you should be, too, but less than dead. Oh, I am not interested in your basic lying man, far too many of those, too.
Good luck bitch. I hope you die alone.
Where are you.... - 33
WHITE guys on here looking for a big girl???? 5"10" blond, kind of cute! Please be white, single and like the bigger girls. I am real, send a pic!
Hmmm... racist much? Or is it that you've had too much black dick over the years and want to try a little variety. Good luck finding a white guy willing to pork your fat ass.
And just so I'm not making fun of only the pathetic ladies out there, I'll add some of the "man looking for woman" posts as well:
Looking for cute girl to watch Battlestar Galactica - 23
Its a rainy night, and I'm going to stay in, but I don't want to do it alone! I'm a 23 year old guy who's pretty new to Savannah, and I haven't met anyone to spend time with yet. I am thinking about starting Battlestar Galactica (I haven't seen it yet and I heard it was the best show around!). Anyways, I'm looking for an attractive, possibly nerdy girl to come over and hang out. I'm an employed, fit, pretty good looking guy. Hit me up with a picture if you're interested, and I'll gladly answer any questions!
Right, if you're an employed, fit, and pretty good-looking guy you:
1. Wouldn't be home alone on a saturday night watching Battlestar Galactica.
2. Would have posted a picture to prove it.
3. Wouldn't be looking for a date on CRAIGSLIST.
Companionship - 19
I am 19 year old white male, thin, brown shoulder-length hair, and hazel eyes.
I'm a pretty laid back guy. Not much bothers me. I have taken an interest in astronomy, psychology, technology, comic books, and video games. I'm the quiet, shy type. I listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers and Nirvana, among others. I'm the typical geek who spends his lonely night just looking up random bits of information with no particular goal in mind, other than just reading. I play the guitar. Not well, but i'm better than the dumbasses who think they can play.
Yeah, the poor guy included a picture of himself. I kind of feel bad for him. I guess that's what he's going for. "I'm a loser so can I get a pity fuck?" Sorry dude. On the bright side you only have 2 more years before you can go to the bar and pick up wasted whores!
I could be your Prince Charming in disguise - 21
Yeah, in the disguise of the kid from Superbad.
Ok, well now that I've taken out all my frustrations toward being bored out of my mind on random people from craigslist I think I'm going to go to sleep, and by that I mean lay in bed with the TV on for a couple of hours til I pass out.
One of the things I have been doing is checking the "personal ads" on craigslist for the area I'm in, just for shits and grins. Here's some of what I've come up with so far:
re: ASSHOLE AT FT. *******
Oh I have notice that he email me as well replying to my ad. Thanks you so much ladies that i don't have to waste my time on a low life jerk like this
Yeah, well apparently you didn't waste too much time in English class, did you sweetheart?
Any men with class?
Are there any UNMARRIED men with an education and class in *********?
No
I have not come across one. Either I hear vulgar language or much anger. I am not responsible for your life or your lack of class. Does any man have any manners?
Sometimes but only when we want to get down your pants. You must be either ugly or a bitch or both.
Well, if there is one out there that knows how to behave around a woman, i.e. do NOT bring up former women, complain about your job, complain about your children, complain how everyone is out to get you, then I'd like to hear from you.
Jesus, and find me one woman that doesn't complain constantly. In fact, you were just complaining about how men don't have manners.
I am over age 40 and you should be, too, but less than dead. Oh, I am not interested in your basic lying man, far too many of those, too.
Good luck bitch. I hope you die alone.
Where are you.... - 33
WHITE guys on here looking for a big girl???? 5"10" blond, kind of cute! Please be white, single and like the bigger girls. I am real, send a pic!
Hmmm... racist much? Or is it that you've had too much black dick over the years and want to try a little variety. Good luck finding a white guy willing to pork your fat ass.
And just so I'm not making fun of only the pathetic ladies out there, I'll add some of the "man looking for woman" posts as well:
Looking for cute girl to watch Battlestar Galactica - 23
Its a rainy night, and I'm going to stay in, but I don't want to do it alone! I'm a 23 year old guy who's pretty new to Savannah, and I haven't met anyone to spend time with yet. I am thinking about starting Battlestar Galactica (I haven't seen it yet and I heard it was the best show around!). Anyways, I'm looking for an attractive, possibly nerdy girl to come over and hang out. I'm an employed, fit, pretty good looking guy. Hit me up with a picture if you're interested, and I'll gladly answer any questions!
Right, if you're an employed, fit, and pretty good-looking guy you:
1. Wouldn't be home alone on a saturday night watching Battlestar Galactica.
2. Would have posted a picture to prove it.
3. Wouldn't be looking for a date on CRAIGSLIST.
Companionship - 19
I am 19 year old white male, thin, brown shoulder-length hair, and hazel eyes.
I'm a pretty laid back guy. Not much bothers me. I have taken an interest in astronomy, psychology, technology, comic books, and video games. I'm the quiet, shy type. I listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers and Nirvana, among others. I'm the typical geek who spends his lonely night just looking up random bits of information with no particular goal in mind, other than just reading. I play the guitar. Not well, but i'm better than the dumbasses who think they can play.
Yeah, the poor guy included a picture of himself. I kind of feel bad for him. I guess that's what he's going for. "I'm a loser so can I get a pity fuck?" Sorry dude. On the bright side you only have 2 more years before you can go to the bar and pick up wasted whores!
I could be your Prince Charming in disguise - 21
Yeah, in the disguise of the kid from Superbad.
Ok, well now that I've taken out all my frustrations toward being bored out of my mind on random people from craigslist I think I'm going to go to sleep, and by that I mean lay in bed with the TV on for a couple of hours til I pass out.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
As a military member I am offended by:
He first says "my unit." Second he says "you would have never come close to what I've done where I've been." What the hell? Did he stab some Gook with his pen? Did he blind the enemy with his camera flash? This man is the anti-christ. No self-respecting human should watch his show. And if you think he's just an asshole to people on his show, get a load of this:
But my favorite so far is this one:
That's right, Bill takes the speaker's line completely out of context and then balks when the kid takes something from HIS OWN BOOK out of context. I love it.
Thank you for joining me on the "Bill OReily sucks giant balls" edition of Overseas tales of a Texas Ranger. And to play me off is -- what the hell is that? I can't read that. Geez, this thing Fucking sucks...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
/wrists
Monday, March 23
All names that follow are made up. All events that follow are true to the best of my reckoning.
So training started today. I wasn’t there for it. The military has this awesome way of waiting until the last minute to get things done, and then panicking when they realize that… there’s no time to do it. Originally I was supposed to be there two days ago, plenty of time to get settled in and find who the hell I have to report to and where. Instead I have a day to make up, no contact information for anyone down here, and no clue how to get to base from the hotel (or how I’m going to do that with no car, for that matter). At this point all I really want to do is get my room, power on my laptop, play some video games til my wife gets home from work, and call her on skype. Instead I have a laundry list of things I need to do before I can even consider relaxing.
I did have an interesting weekend though. Had some people over, had some drinks, good times were had. By far the most interesting was Saturday night/Sunday morning. After I had gone to bed and advised the others to remain inside if they were going to be loud, everyone decided to go on a beer run (walking, don’t worry). After obtaining said beer, they were stopped by a cop (mind you only one of them was “legally” allowed to consume alcohol). One of my buddies, we’ll call him Adam, decided he would take the fall for the other two, since the other under-aged guy was military and he didn’t want the eligible guy to get busted for providing. In his infinite wisdom, he decided the best course of action would be to act like a complete asshole to the cops to draw their focus away. The cop asked him where the beer can he was carrying was and he denied having one. The cop said “I saw you carrying it,” and he “And I say I didn’t have one but here’s the thing, you’re a cop and I’m not so they’re going to believe whatever you say so go ahead and say whatever the F*** you want ‘cause it really doesn’t matter.” Then another cop showed up and said “I saw you—,“ “Shut the hell up. You just F***ing got here. You didn’t see S***” Hilarious. So, he obviously went to jail, the cop instructing the other two guys “If you want to see your friend, bring $100 to the [local] police department.”
So they went to the police station and bailed him out. Then they decided that Jack in the Box plus more alcohol would be a great thing for Adam to have. He chugged half a bottle of schnapps to go on top of J.I.T.B. egg rolls and God knows what else.
Adam with his MIP
At roughly 7am I was woken by the sound of glass shattering in my living room, not one of my favorite sounds I can assure you. Jumped out of bed and, I think, kindly inquired as to what the F*** was going on. I see couch cushions everywhere, Adam sprawled between the couch and coffee table, various items from my coffee table that used to be whole and intact strewn about the floor, and both Jay and Tony “facepalming.”
“He’s a little drunk,” explained Tony.
“I see that. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know, we all laid down to finally go to sleep when that happened. I think he tried to get up to go to the bathroom.”
It was at that point that Adam looked up at me with the look that Clarice had on her face the first time she met Hannibal Lector, arched his back like he was competing for the loogie long-distance record, and vomited the brownest, most viscous liquid I have seen this side swamp mud 3 ½ feet across the room at me.
The rest is history.
Tuesday March 24
So I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm sorry, that's an understatement. It's actually pretty cool. Class runs 4 days a week (although we might go Friday this week) for roughly 5 hours a day. The hotel they have me staying in is pretty sweet:
As you may or may not be able to tell there is a mini fridge and microwave to go along with the king-sized bed. The hotel also has a pool and spa, neither of which I have been to yet. But hey, enough with the silver lining and on with the bitching.
One would think having 3 day weekends for a month would be great but what the heck am I supposed to do in Fort BFE? There is literally nothing here. A couple of restaurants that I'm sure are supported in whole by the military and a Wal Mart and other assorted super markets. The nearest "anything to do" is an hour drive and, guess what, I don't have a car. Awesome. So I think my free time is going to be spent playing video games and watching tv. I know, exciting.
I really don't want to get started on the training but I think I should for entertainment's sake. It's basically a shoddy tracking program on a linux platform on an archaic computer. The best part is that I get to take this class with a handful of Army guys and boy are they smart! One tried being a tough-guy over the keyboard to me and told me "You look like a peer queer," which I am assuming is a reference to a seaman (navy). I wish I could have mustered the effort to justify that with a response but I was too hung-over to care about exchanging wits with, I'm sure, the army's best. The class is literally "point at this button, click it. You should see this. Any questions?" I swear to God those neanderthal bullet-catchers raised their hands every frickin time: "uhh, what button?" God save me if these are the people I'm working with for the next year...
All names that follow are made up. All events that follow are true to the best of my reckoning.
So training started today. I wasn’t there for it. The military has this awesome way of waiting until the last minute to get things done, and then panicking when they realize that… there’s no time to do it. Originally I was supposed to be there two days ago, plenty of time to get settled in and find who the hell I have to report to and where. Instead I have a day to make up, no contact information for anyone down here, and no clue how to get to base from the hotel (or how I’m going to do that with no car, for that matter). At this point all I really want to do is get my room, power on my laptop, play some video games til my wife gets home from work, and call her on skype. Instead I have a laundry list of things I need to do before I can even consider relaxing.
I did have an interesting weekend though. Had some people over, had some drinks, good times were had. By far the most interesting was Saturday night/Sunday morning. After I had gone to bed and advised the others to remain inside if they were going to be loud, everyone decided to go on a beer run (walking, don’t worry). After obtaining said beer, they were stopped by a cop (mind you only one of them was “legally” allowed to consume alcohol). One of my buddies, we’ll call him Adam, decided he would take the fall for the other two, since the other under-aged guy was military and he didn’t want the eligible guy to get busted for providing. In his infinite wisdom, he decided the best course of action would be to act like a complete asshole to the cops to draw their focus away. The cop asked him where the beer can he was carrying was and he denied having one. The cop said “I saw you carrying it,” and he “And I say I didn’t have one but here’s the thing, you’re a cop and I’m not so they’re going to believe whatever you say so go ahead and say whatever the F*** you want ‘cause it really doesn’t matter.” Then another cop showed up and said “I saw you—,“ “Shut the hell up. You just F***ing got here. You didn’t see S***” Hilarious. So, he obviously went to jail, the cop instructing the other two guys “If you want to see your friend, bring $100 to the [local] police department.”
So they went to the police station and bailed him out. Then they decided that Jack in the Box plus more alcohol would be a great thing for Adam to have. He chugged half a bottle of schnapps to go on top of J.I.T.B. egg rolls and God knows what else.
Adam with his MIP
At roughly 7am I was woken by the sound of glass shattering in my living room, not one of my favorite sounds I can assure you. Jumped out of bed and, I think, kindly inquired as to what the F*** was going on. I see couch cushions everywhere, Adam sprawled between the couch and coffee table, various items from my coffee table that used to be whole and intact strewn about the floor, and both Jay and Tony “facepalming.”
“He’s a little drunk,” explained Tony.
“I see that. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know, we all laid down to finally go to sleep when that happened. I think he tried to get up to go to the bathroom.”
It was at that point that Adam looked up at me with the look that Clarice had on her face the first time she met Hannibal Lector, arched his back like he was competing for the loogie long-distance record, and vomited the brownest, most viscous liquid I have seen this side swamp mud 3 ½ feet across the room at me.
The rest is history.
Tuesday March 24
So I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm sorry, that's an understatement. It's actually pretty cool. Class runs 4 days a week (although we might go Friday this week) for roughly 5 hours a day. The hotel they have me staying in is pretty sweet:
As you may or may not be able to tell there is a mini fridge and microwave to go along with the king-sized bed. The hotel also has a pool and spa, neither of which I have been to yet. But hey, enough with the silver lining and on with the bitching.
One would think having 3 day weekends for a month would be great but what the heck am I supposed to do in Fort BFE? There is literally nothing here. A couple of restaurants that I'm sure are supported in whole by the military and a Wal Mart and other assorted super markets. The nearest "anything to do" is an hour drive and, guess what, I don't have a car. Awesome. So I think my free time is going to be spent playing video games and watching tv. I know, exciting.
I really don't want to get started on the training but I think I should for entertainment's sake. It's basically a shoddy tracking program on a linux platform on an archaic computer. The best part is that I get to take this class with a handful of Army guys and boy are they smart! One tried being a tough-guy over the keyboard to me and told me "You look like a peer queer," which I am assuming is a reference to a seaman (navy). I wish I could have mustered the effort to justify that with a response but I was too hung-over to care about exchanging wits with, I'm sure, the army's best. The class is literally "point at this button, click it. You should see this. Any questions?" I swear to God those neanderthal bullet-catchers raised their hands every frickin time: "uhh, what button?" God save me if these are the people I'm working with for the next year...
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